


trust is a slow process

by Ominous



Series: progress comes in small steps [3]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Katelyn POV, M/M, Relationship Study, Wholesome Twinyards, andrew loves neil, discussions ensue, katelyn is a protective bff and I stan, katelyn runs into andrew at eden's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22444165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ominous/pseuds/Ominous
Summary: If Katelyn had been stealthier, she could've escaped the crowded dance floor without Andrew seeing her.But of course, she's no Neil.Or: Katelyn and Andrew spend some unwanted quality time together, and Katelyn sees things for what they are.
Relationships: Katelyn & Andrew Minyard, Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: progress comes in small steps [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593232
Comments: 139
Kudos: 1060





	trust is a slow process

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back and much sooner than I thought I'd be! This fic was surprisingly fun to write haha, it got away from me a little! There's not enough fics in Katelyn's POV if you ask me, and I always like writing how other people view andreil *shrug* I'm sure you've noticed a pattern in this series by now, but will I stop being unoriginal? NO
> 
> Also I wanna make a note that Andrew would NEVER cheat on Neil, and that's definitely not what's happening here lol Katelyn just makes some not so nice assumptions, and the actual truth will be revealed in a future fic I have planned ;)
> 
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy!

At the sight of blond hair at the bar, Katelyn has to do a double take.

The music in the crowded club bounces off the walls, overwhelming, and she's not quite tipsy enough to enjoy it. She crosses one leg over the other as she walks, angled in a way she doesn't quite see as disastrous before it’s too late. The lights wash over the dancing bodies in flashes of pink and blue, hiding the smirks of patrons sneaking off to more secluded spots.

Behind her, she hears the cheering vixens party to their heart's content; the end of the school week called for celebration, according to Katelyn's captain. She'd heard Aaron mention Eden's Twilight enough times to bring it up, and was only mildly disappointed when Aaron said he wouldn't be going that night. Aaron's internship had drained him that week, and the rest of Andrew's lot decided it wasn't worth the effort.

Still, she'd been excited to go out with her friends and get wasted, Aaron or no Aaron. She'd been headed in the direction of the bar for the sole purpose of getting toasted when she saw a familiar site, and for a moment, her heart rate accelerated.

Aaron and Andrew look so similar from the back; the striking blond hair, the height...Katelyn swoons for a moment. Maybe her boyfriend changed his mind, maybe he's actually _here_.

Her feet move on their own accord from where they're tangled, body trying to turn as fast as possible towards the bar where Aaron is chatting up the smiling bartender.

A grin breaks out on her face, a consequence of seeing Aaron no matter the time of day. She's so happy, but her mind isn't deluded enough to ignore what her eyes see.

She catches the edge of black armbands, the tense, broad shoulders, and the hope in Katelyn's chest deflates. Oh.

It's not Aaron.

She freezes midstep, feet away from the bar as Andrew rolls his shoulders. Katelyn hums to herself, watching the way Andrew seems to consider something, contemplative almost. Why is Andrew here alone? Where is everyone else?

The bartender's smile falters a little at whatever expression Andrew is making; Roland, Katelyn remembers. Aaron told her a lot about his days working here, and she knows Andrew and Roland have...history.

She can't exactly blame him; Roland is attractive, well-styled, with strong hands which know their way around a glass. In the next moment, he's smirking at Andrew, and Katelyn squints.

The image of Neil flashes in her head, the serenity of his features whenever he's talking about Andrew or playing with the key to the Maserati. Neil, who isn't here. Andrew, talking to his past fling.

Something uncomfortable pools in her gut as she watches Andrew tilt his head subtly in the direction of the back rooms, and whatever he says makes Roland move to follow him. Her blood boils.

If Katelyn was stealthier, she could've followed, but well, she's no Neil. She stays still as Andrew turns off the barstool, scanning the crowd. Not fast enough, she scolds herself ruthlessly.

Suddenly, piercing hazel eyes bore into her, and they both freeze, caught for different reasons. She's embarrassed to say she squeaks from how her simmering blood runs cold, iced. Andrew's thoughts are impossible to detect, locked behind reinforced steel. His face gives away nothing, but he has her pinned down anyways, daring her to make a move.

She's no longer scared of Andrew killing her, not with how well he and Aaron have been getting along, but Katelyn isn't trying to test his patience considering what she just witnessed.

She moves to spin around, to retreat to the safety of her vixens, but her poor posture finally makes itself known.

Her left foot steps on her right, and there's no one around to catch her fall. In the back of her head, she thinks she sure is a sorry excuse for a cheerleader to lack this much coordination. She's not even drunk, yet before she knows it she's hitting the floor with a wince, her ankle aching from how she twisted it.

She's beauty, she's grace...

To add insult to injury, a nearby dancer steps on her without realizing too, and she wants the ground to open up and eat her alive.

"Oh shit, are you okay doll?" There's a hand on her arm hoisting her up, a smooth voice flooding her ears. There's an edge to it, something searching and maybe a little sleazy. She grimaces at the pet name, only Aaron is allowed to be so familiar with her.

She tries to retch away, but her ankle protests when she puts weight on it. Fine, verbal approach it is then.

She turns a glare on the man, not caring for the suave grin or cool air he's trying to give off, and opens her mouth to tell him she's fine on her own.

Someone beats her to it; Andrew's palm hits the man’s chest without mercy, shoving him away. Katelyn would be thankful, but Andrew doesn't care for the fact the man was Katelyn's only source of balance. She's back on the floor in seconds, knees sticky from spilled liquor.

The guy stumbles, glaring at Andrew beneath the club lights. "Hey man, what the--"

" _Leave_." Even Katelyn pauses at the finality of the words, of the threat laced beneath like pulled stitches. Andrew's expression is as impassive as ever, but the coiled violence in his fists says more than enough. He's not to be messed with right then, even a stranger has to sense it. The guy's scowl falters as he raises his hands, disappearing into the crowd without another word.

The little bubble formed by the momentary stand-off dissolves, and Katelyn is again shoved by dancing bodies and high heels.

She stares up at Andrew, not knowing what to do. He...he just saved her. Right? Why would he do that, when he dislikes her so much?

She remembers Neil's words from one of their lunch dates, said with a smile and overflowing admiration: _"Andrew doesn't act needlessly."_

So why?

Her eyes must show her mix of shock and gratitude, because the stare Andrew gives her is unimpressed.

"Don't give me that look," he says, grabbing the back of her jacket (Aaron's) and hoisting her up. She bites her lip at the pain, shifting her weight to her other foot. It doesn't feel like a sprain, but a twisted ankle is never pleasant. She'll need a few days off it at least...

She thinks that's the end of it, Andrew's weird admission of caring, and she nearly smiles.

Then Andrew sighs, inconvenienced by the sight of her. "I'd never hear the end of it from Aaron if something happened to you, even if it is all your fault."

"Oh," she can't help but say, hopping after him to a nearby wall. She leans on it gratefully, noting how easy it was for him to clear a path in the crowd. Some people just command spaces, she figures. Even with his frame, Andrew is a force.

"Can you walk?" He asks gruffly, eyeing her ankle with distaste and assessing the distance to the door.

She wonders how many times Andrew plans on catching her off guard before the night is over. However, she knows better than to assume anything about Andrew. Maybe he just wants to know so he doesn't have to feel bad about leaving her there.

Then again, would Andrew feel bad about any decision he makes?

She wills herself to stop; Andrew analysis is not and never will be her business.

"Uh, I--I think so--" She says, pushing her sweat slick hair out of her face. How hard could it be? She puts some weight on her other leg, and instantly regrets it. Okay, so that's a no.

The discomfort must show on her face, because Andrew is huffing the next moment. Katelyn expects that to be it, to be dumped into the arms of her friends to be cared for so Andrew can go back to whatever he was doing.

What she doesn't expect is Andrew to step closer, glare making her feel incredibly small despite the few inches she has on him in her heels. After a few minutes of judgement, of eyeing her limp leg dangling in the air, he positions himself to her side.

Andrew is rarely relaxed without Neil nearby, but still, Katelyn doesn't think he's ever looked _this_ tense.

Andrew's voice comes out as a growl when she doesn't move right away. "Put your hands on my shoulders, do _not_ move them, do _not_ squeeze, and don't press against me more than you have to," he warns, each command a knife to her skin even as he offers his back to her. "Got it?"

The question is phrased in such a way that any answer other than a yes will be met with a knife to the gut, and she nods stupidly. She's convinced this is a dream, and waits for the harsh reality of wakefulness to hit her as soon as her hands slide over Andrew's shoulders.

But nothing happens.

She hopes onto his back as quickly and painlessly as she can, and feels the whole body shudder that rips through Andrew's body. She half expects him to drop her, he probably thinks about it.

This is a big deal for Andrew, she knows enough about his history from Aaron, and well...

She was there at the trial.

The fact he's allowing this says a lot about how far he's come, and she silently thanks Neil, because she knows it's somewhat because of him.

Regardless, she stays as still as possible as she's carried out of the club; she doesn't have a death wish. She won't allow herself to break any of the rules Andrew laid out for her, and doesn't feel too offended when she's practically thrown into the passenger seat of the Maserati.

Andrew creates distance between them almost immediately, backing off and rounding the car as he rolls his shoulders. The trembling of his frame in her peripheral vision reminds Katelyn a little too much of their confrontation in the library so long ago, and she's thankful they've progressed past that.

Andrew stays outside the car for a few more minutes, and she doesn't rush him. Slowly, she closes the door, rolling her jacket into a pillow to elevate her foot as best she can. She sends a quick text to her friends letting them know she's alright and to leave without her, not giving all the details. She knows she'll be grilled for them later, but it seems premature to talk about a night that's not even over yet.

She still has to get through the drive home with a man who has only ever given her one word answers, if that.

Katelyn braces herself for the roughness ahead when Andrew finally slides into the driver's seat, seemingly back to normal.

Katelyn can handle this, she thinks. She can be quiet, take in the scenery...

However, ten minutes down the highway she realizes she definitely _cannot_ handle this. She's a talker, she'll admit it. She likes rambling on and on and talking about school and movies and _Aaron_ , but none of that feels right in the suffocating silence of the car.

It's as if Andrew has an invisible wall between them, and if she tries to speak the words will simply bounce off it right back into her face.

She's used to Neil; his brand of quiet is manageable. She knows he doesn't like to talk, and once they'd reached that understanding, she stopped trying to get responses out of him. She's content to talk his ear off with no expectations beyond a returning hum or nod from him. It works for them, and as off as it felt at first to be so impolite, she knows Neil appreciates the fact she no longer pushes.

This though, this is not that. She's pretty sure the last thing Andrew wants is for her to _breathe_ much less talk. He's probably busy imagining she's not there.

The Katelyn from a year prior would've been fine with this, probably just grateful Andrew wasn't trying to kill her or something. Now though, now it just seems ridiculous.

This is her boyfriend's twin brother, for crying out loud. As reserved as Aaron can be, she knows he cares about Andrew, and that Andrew cares about him too. Hell, they've _killed_ for each other. They've been doing so well, and Aaron has never been more at peace.

Besides, it's not like she's not around Andrew a ton now, even if they never talk. She's seen him around Neil, how intimate he can be when he thinks no one is paying attention.

And as much as Katelyn doesn't understand Andrew, she's always been somewhat thankful for him despite all her criticisms. He's been making an effort with Aaron, and he makes Neil so happy too...Neil deserves that more than anyone after what he's been through.

At the thought of the striker, she remembers Andrew at the bar, leaning into Roland's space, trading words meant just for each other. The ugly feeling in her stomach from before comes back, and she steels herself. She can't spend the rest of her life not speaking to Andrew, not when it's about her friend, or her boyfriend. She plans to be with Aaron as long as she can be, and that means one day...one day she and Andrew will be family, right?

Katelyn's hands curl in her lap. She's no coward, she won't act like one.

"So, why were you there alone?" She asks as casually as she can, watching the streetlights blur behind Andrew. "Don't the others usually come with you?"

The finger tapping against the steering wheel pauses, missing the beat of the song on the radio. Katelyn tries not to smile; she caught Andrew off guard, that's a good thing at least.

For a second, it seems like he won't answer, eyes fixed on the road. She's prepared for this though, and opens her mouth, ready to trudge on anyways when Andrew gives his curt response.

"I had something to take care of." It's more than she expects, and she perks up. That's also premature though, considering the path she's steering this conversation down.

But well, she has to know. It concerns her friend.

"With the bartender right?" She tries, and watches Andrew's frown deepen. Ah, not a good sign. She keeps her tone carefree. "How come?"

This time, Andrew doesn't answer. Katelyn purses her lips, nodding as if he had. Andrew thinks he can just ignore her...

She thought he'd be used to nosy redheads by now.

"Does Neil know?" She tries again, upping the stakes. His hands reposition themselves on the wheel, but there's no other tell. Katelyn knows, somewhere in the survival section of her brain, that this is the best place to stop. She's already given away her suspicions enough for Andrew to be on edge, and they're far away from campus...

Walking from here or trying to get a ride would not be fun. She doesn't know how far Andrew's consideration for Aaron extends when it comes to her.

Yet, she can't help herself. She wants to know, she wants to believe Andrew wouldn't do something to hurt Neil, not after everything, but...

Old biases are hard to get rid of. She's never understood Andrew, and as much as Neil cares for him, she doesn't have much proof from Andrew's side apart from a few instances.

She needs to do this, needs to know.

She goes for the throat.

"Are you cheating on him?" She asks, the words rushing out of her mouth into the stale car air, and in the next moment her head flies forward. Andrew brakes so hard the car tires spin, shrieking on the highway as he pulls aggressively onto the shoulder. A few cars honk from the abruptness, and Katelyn gasps, lurching forward from the force of the car stopping as Andrew switches on the emergency lights.

He spins on her faster than the tires; all she smells is burnt rubber, her eyes wide.

She doesn't think Andrew could look scarier than he did that day at the library, with her pressed to the wall and his eyes filled with disgust. She was very wrong. The look Andrew gives her now is scathing, like it could peel back all her layers until she's nothing but bone, and then he'd get to work carving those up too. She swallows down a whimper when he finds his voice, dripping with contempt. "Don't try to speak on things you don't understand."

In her defensiveness, she almost fires back. There's a lot she could say after all; Andrew knows what it looked like. Him and his old hook-up, sneaking off towards the backrooms. It's not flattering, and she could say as much, she could bring Neil into it too if she was feeling especially nasty, _Neil_ , who only has eyes for Andrew.

But then she catches herself, and all the cattiness and accusations come to a halt on her tongue.

No, no she can't be like this.

Learning to trust Andrew completely is not something she's ever sure she'll be able to do, but Aaron is starting to. Neil does. She believes in them, and she wants to believe in Andrew too. Can she really say that Neil, who has been put through so much, would waste his affection and time on someone he didn't trust completely?

She stares back at Andrew, the tightness in his jaw, catching the glint of a chain wrapped around his neck. The Foxes have a bet about whether or not there's anything attached to it, according to Aaron, but no one doubts it’s from Neil.

The tightness in Katelyn's body floods out of her, and she slouches miserably against the leather seat, like a scolded child. She can't bear to look him in the eyes for another moment.

It's ridiculous really, to feel bad for someone who never apologized to her, will _never_ apologize to her, or Aaron, for all the resentful things he did.

Still, the words come out.

"I'm sorry, that was...really rude of me," she whispers, as sincere as she can get. She means it, she's never meant an apology so genuinely before. Her eyes are trained on the gear shift, but she sneaks a glance at Andrew. "I know how much you care about Neil, that wasn't fair."

_I won't do it again._

"I don't need your apology," Andrew says with the ghost of a sneer. "Apologies are worthless. Just don't do it again."

Katelyn almost jumps from having her thoughts echoed; she opens her mouth to say she knows, but Andrew is gunning it back onto the freeway in the next second, uncaring of the people he cuts off.

Guess that's the end of that.

The words circle through her head: _apologies are worthless_.

The polite girl in her, the one her mom raised, instinctually wants to say it's not true. It takes a lot to apologize when you're wrong, getting past all the shame and guilt to do the right thing.

But maybe that's what it feels like, from inside her little bubble. She wouldn't understand, if not for one of the only fights she and Aaron have ever had.

He apologized right away, but it was clear he didn't mean it, didn't get _why_ he was saying sorry in the first place. Then she wonders how many people in foster care would've told Andrew sorry after doing or saying something horrific and cruel.

She wonders how many times Aaron's mother told him sorry, and Katelyn's fists curl in her lap.

Just like that, she thinks she gets Andrew a little better.

Apologies mean nothing, but actions are everything. Andrew would never apologize, but he still hangs out with Aaron, still goes to therapy with him and gives ground bit by bit.

He helped her out of the club.

In a backwards, almost scale-tipping exchange, Katelyn wonders if this is how Andrew makes up for things.

She decides she can live with guessing it’s the case.

The car descends back into silence against her wishes, since she's nearly as stubborn as Neil and doesn't believe in defeat. She waits about two exits before she looks at Andrew again, searching for something, _anything_ to comment on.

Leave it to Neil to help her out even when he's not here.

"Neil bought you that," she says, perking up at the sight of the dark maroon jacket, almost black in the darkness of the car. As hopeless as Neil is with shopping for himself, he'd been surprisingly determined when shopping with Katelyn for the twins' birthday.

If Andrew felt like showing any expression to her, Katelyn is sure he'd be rolling his eyes.

"Astute observation sorority girl," he drawls, and as disgruntled as it makes her, she considers herself lucky she got a response at all. It's a step up from Andrew's old demand that they never speak again, and she's not going to question why he's now going back on that.

That or he just wants to insult her.

She pouts, sensing that's the real answer. "Well that's sexist."

"I guess." Andrew looks about as nonplussed as they come, and she wonders if he's intentionally trying to make her upset. "Stop trying to use Neil against me, it's annoying."

"Because it works?" She shoots back, and revels in the silence for once. _That's a yes then_. "I bet you don't say those things to Renee and Allison."

She's taking a gamble with how much Andrew actually cares about his female teammates, but she figures it's worth a shot. If Andrew isn't walking with Neil on campus, he's usually with Renee.

And again, Katelyn kicks herself. She's basing all her expectations on the Andrew who threatened to kill her (which, fair) and the one sitting here, the one making an effort with his brother.

She just didn't think to assume he was progressing in other areas too.

"I've gotten better," Andrew says, and his tone sounds like a shrug in ways she can't explain.

For all the conflicting feelings of warmth, disbelief, and distrust, Katelyn can't help but laugh.

"Yeah I think this whole ride is proof of that," she says in between giggles, not caring that she essentially referenced the time Andrew almost maimed her. Before the therapy sessions started to really take off, Andrew being within ten feet of Katelyn would've been impossible.

And now...

"I'm barely tolerating you," Andrew tells her, and she believes him, but it's better than nothing.

"For Aaron's sake or Neil's?" She asks, because she's actually curious and wonders if he'll answer. She has him talking, no matter how little, so she plans to milk it.

"Neil's not quite as concerned with you as you believe," Andrew tells her without hesitation, and she wonders if he expects it to hurt her feelings. In the end, she decides Andrew wouldn't even care to do that much; this is another truth, plain and simple.

Regardless, if she's not allowed to assume things about Andrew, she would like the same courtesy.

"You don't know what I believe," she bites back, barely keeping the huffiness out of her tone. After all, he's right.

Her heart clenches a little, but she doesn't take it too personally. She thinks of Neil, silent as she talks his ear off. The faint smiles she sometimes gets from him, the patience, awarded because he knows she's important to Aaron. It's a weird feeling, to know Neil wouldn't really be her friend if she wasn't tied into the Foxes network. Even then, between herself and the others...

Neil would sooner lose her, doesn't need her.

She sighs. Still, she appreciates Neil, she likes that he helped Aaron even in his less than moral way. She's glad to have him around. "You're right though. Neil and I are so different. I don't get him a lot of the time, but he's still my friend."

She'll call him that until he decides it's over, she promises that. Neil, with his violent temper and borderline apathy when it comes to others.

Andrew's eyes slide to her for the first time since he pulled them back on the road.

"You and him get along," he says, and Katelyn assumes it's borne from confusion.

She shrugs. "That's probably just for Aaron's sake," she admits without much trouble.

"I know."

Oh.

Katelyn startles, wondering why Andrew said anything at all. And why wouldn't he know? Katelyn never said she understood Neil, but Andrew most certainly does.

And then Katelyn realizes Andrew's question wasn't that at all, it wasn't a curious thought to be confirmed. It was an observation, laced with annoyance. Like Andrew hates that Neil tolerates Katelyn a little more than he has to.

Katelyn huffs, somehow finding the humor in it.

"Yeah but I don't think he's the type to save face, if he wanted to he could just ignore me," Katelyn says, waving her hand back and forth. She smiles, finding comfort in knowing she won't be interrupted if she talks about Neil. "I enjoy talking to him though! I can't say why. He's really rude, extremely so."

Like...one of the rudest people she's ever met. She winces, recalling the time her cheerleader friend asked to join them for lunch, and Neil point blank told her no.

She smirks a little when Andrew's face twitches, because of course he must find the trait endearing.

She continues, and to anyone else she probably sounds like a terrible friend. It's her experience though, she doubts Neil would like the sugarcoating. "He doesn't empathize with others and genuinely will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. But I don't know, he's loyal and I trust him."

All there is to it. Katelyn may not trust Neil not to make bad decisions and stay out of trouble, but she certainly trusts him to protect what's closest to him, which includes Aaron.

Andrew's responding exhale is heavy and drawn out. It's not the first time, nor will it be the last time Katelyn wonders what he's thinking. Did she pass the test?

She has a feeling Andrew couldn't give two shits what people think of him; what people think of Neil is another story.

Yet, Andrew lets the silence fall back over them, which Katelyn is steadily starting to associate with victory on her part.

A sudden, sentimental feeling blooms in her. She asks the universe constantly how it's possible she found Aaron, someone so wary and hostile, but with so much beneath the surface. He didn't trust her when they first met, which is something a lot of people don't know. They're so smitten now, glued at the hip. But Katelyn remembers the glares and distrusting glances, the distance between them even on their first date. Somewhere along the way, the soft curves of her heart smoothed out Aaron's hard edges, until they slotted together perfectly.

Neil and Andrew are all sharp, jagged points. And even they managed to fit together, to make their own softness. Katlyn may never see the full extent of it, given how private the two are, but she knows it's there.

If Aaron says the feelings are the same, then Katelyn will believe it too.

"He talks about you a lot," Katelyn says, and it's stupid and random but she can't help herself. Andrew will know she means Neil, he has to. Katelyn thinks that if she had it her way, she'd always want Aaron to be reminded how much she loves him. She's trying to offer the same to Andrew, to let him know how much Neil cares. It's all she can offer, and she doesn't even know if it's wanted.

She just knows it’s _needed_ , if Andrew is anything like Aaron. She swallows down her fear. "He loves--"

Andrew's interruption is quick, a slice to her airways. " _No_ , don't."

It's a firm command, and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. Katelyn's mouth forms a small 'o' and she probably looks like a fish.

The ridiculous thought is probably the only thing which distracts her from basic self-preservation enough to keep talking.

"Why not?" She whispers, and again her old biases surge. Maybe Andrew doesn't feel the same way about Neil, maybe he doesn't want to know. It's not that Neil has ever said it to her, or admitted it.

It's just...she can tell.

"We don't use that word," Andrew says, like it's so easy to understand, like she's supposed to accept it and move on. His eyes are empty, like a ghost’s.

Like the words are filthy.

"Doesn't mean it doesn't apply," she counters, flexing her ankle as best she can to keep herself occupied. _You can't help but love someone if you do..._

Andrew's voice gets some color to it, but she misses the blankness as soon as she hears his tone. It's as if he's talking to a child, one who can't see beyond fairytales and sparkling rainbows. It stings, especially because for a long time, Katelyn was exactly that.

In some ways, she remains one, when it comes to love. She refuses to let that part of her go, the part which loves and loves and never quits.

"That word you're so fond of has been twisted beyond recognition," Andrew says, slow and condescending. And, because he's Andrew, he doesn't pull punches. "I'm sure Tilda told Aaron she loved him--"

Katelyn flinches; Andrew gives her no time to react beyond that. It's both a blessing and a curse. Katelyn doesn't like to say she hates anyone or anything. It's such an ugly feeling, one reserved for the worst of the worst.

She considers Tilda to be one of those people. Katelyn hates her. Hates her, hates her, _hates_ her, and she doesn't feel bad about it.

"--like foster parents tell their kids the same before tossing them out," Andrew says without resentment or wistfulness, a simple fact. "It's meaningless, people use it for their own agendas and nothing more."

She's trembling from the baldness of it. Everything in her screams back.

_But it's still real._

She almost feels bad that anyone could have such a view over a feeling she would die for, but Andrew's not the type to accept pity, she feels guilty even extending it.

But Katelyn refuses to let this go; she doesn't care what Andrew says. No matter who told Andrew that, only to follow it up with betrayal and lies...

No matter what Tilda told Aaron in the rare moments she was sober, coddling him instead of striking his face...

That was _not_ love.

When Katelyn says it, when she whispers it in Aaron's hair, it's miles away from any of the awful way others use it. She doesn't mean to sound arrogant, but maybe she is. She's hurt Aaron without meaning to, and he's done the same to her.

But it never stays that way, it's how they handled it that proved more, proved the truth of the three words.

"I think you're wrong," she says, bolder than most people. Andrew's tapping finger on the wheel stills again. "I know, I _know_ a lot of people use the word and they don't mean it, or they don't act like it but...that's on them. That's not _real_ love, the actual thing, the definition. Just because people use the word incorrectly doesn't mean the feeling isn't real."

She doesn't mean to bark out the last part, but it comes out a little dramatic.

She's all too aware of Andrew's banned words, one too many 'pleases' in his presence had been an awkward end to one of their outings. She won't ever get it, but she's trying. 'Love' is perhaps another word poisoned to the point of no return, but Andrew can call it whatever he wants in Katelyn's opinion.

She just hopes one day he acknowledges that it's there, it's a thing, not a faraway fantasy.

The hum of the engine is the only thing she can use to interpret Andrew's mood; he speeds up, but there's nothing on his face. His eyes left her long ago.

It's too quiet, and her harsh breathing fills the space. The expensive leather seats feel too stiff, too cold.

Andrew doesn't give her a response, not an adequate one. She wonders if he ever will, if he has one at all. It should really be a victory, but Katelyn just feels like they're at a stalemate more than anything. No ground given either way.

A thought crosses her mind when her eyes meet the chain around Andrew's neck, when she rubs the charm bracelet on her own arm with Aaron's initials hanging from it. "You know, the only time I think I don't like the words is...because it sometimes feels like not enough."

She'd do anything for Aaron, and it scares her to think of what the extent of that promise entails. But she doesn't regret it.

The words are like a needle, puncturing and draining the wound. The heavy weight sitting in the car rushes out, relaxed tissue.

"You're more aggravating than I thought," Andrew says eventually, and Katelyn allows herself to breathe. He means it, she's not deluded about that. One day though, she hopes he'll break their stalemate somehow.

She's been acknowledged; that's more than she ever thought she'd get.

Before she knows it, they're only a few exits away from campus, and she busies herself with checking out the car. It's all she can do to not ramble; Neil might let her do it, but she figures Andrew is not ready to tolerate her to that extent. If everything he does is purposeful, her meaningless observations will be excruciating.

She swipes a hand over the arm rest, trying to figure out why guys go so nuts over things like this. She's ridden in the car before, but never from the front seat, and she can finally marvel at how expensive it is.

For someone so careless, Andrew keeps the Maserati in pristine condition. It still seems factory new, apart from the one grass stain on the floor and the empty coke can in the cupholder. The dashboard lights shine a light blue, and Katelyn finds herself in awe of the lack of fingerprints and smudges on the dash controls.

Until strangely enough, she finds something amiss. They're pulling off the freeway now, and Katelyn shouldn't care this much about a missing dashboard lighter.

It's just...it's weird. She stares at the empty hole, a piece a smoker like Andrew should find essential no?

Stupidly, she points to it. "It's missing." She doesn't expect a response, but Andrew follows the line of her finger until his gaze rests on the gap. He blinks, and his eyes return to the road.

On occasion, when Andrew talks, it feels like he's telling you an undeniable fact of the universe, and you're stupid for not knowing it already. "I threw it out the window."

As if it's normal, already explained.

Katelyn's brain tries to catch up, but as intelligent as she is in her courses, she can't find the missing piece.

Andrew slows down the car as he rounds the corner to his dorm, looking over to stare at her one last time. "Neil."

It’s the softest she’s ever heard his voice.

It takes her too long to realize that's it, that's the explanation, and her breath hitches.

 _Shit_...

All too sudden, her heart skips a beat, and her mind is filled with the image of burn scars, red and jagged under Neil's eyes. She never asked what they were from; it would've been rude, and it made no difference to her.

The revelation makes her skin crawl.

She's not the type to bring up other people's bad memories unless she has to, for their sake.

The sight of the empty spot where the dashboard lighter should be reminds her, all too cruelly, how ugly the world can be.

Who could do that to someone?

Yet, even in the midst of her disbelief, there's an admiration there too. Andrew, tossing the lighter to the wind, if only to save Neil from even a smidgen of agony. She wonders how angry Andrew had been over it, and she wishes he could've given them hell to pay.

Someone so devoted wouldn’t cheat, she decides right then, and finds herself dumb for even entertaining the idea. Andrew would tear the world to shreds for drawing blood from Neil, she’s sure of it.

Katelyn doesn't fight her smile this time, and instead focuses on the road in front of them. Things feel lighter, better. "Aaron is gonna flip out when he sees us."

"He should've thought of that before getting wasted and losing his phone," Andrew replies, and Katelyn tries to guess if he's right. Aaron wouldn't drink...Katelyn asked him not to in case she needed him later.

And then the selfish part of her rears its ugly head. It's not something she's proud of, hiding ulterior motives from her boyfriend, but when he drinks it makes her nervous. She asks him not to, and abstains herself, as often as she can.

Aaron's history with addiction isn't pretty, she doesn't want him to hurt himself. She's shocked Andrew is so okay with it, given his protectiveness.

As if reading her mind, Andrew brakes a little too hard into a parking spot. "He won't lose control again. Enough."

She's not sure if it’s a threat or a reassurance, the first one he's ever offered, but she appreciates it all the same.

It's the kind of statement which tells her to trust Aaron, because he's yet to give her a reason not to.

Katelyn grunts in affirmation, and the ugliness in her lies dormant again. She's not as afraid of it as she used to be.

Aaron accepts all of her.

Before she can get out of the car, one of the dorm doors bangs open, and Aaron is tripping over himself to get down the stairs in a panic. Well, he's definitely sober.

"Oh yeah, I texted Neil," Andrew decides to mention, now that it doesn't matter. Katelyn winces, knowing her phone is probably a log of missed calls. She doubts Neil presented the knowledge that she and Andrew were together in a way that didn't make Aaron flip his shit.

In fact, Neil most likely did it on purpose.

Aaron peels down the stairs with the redhead trailing behind him, much more relaxed. It rips a startled laugh out of her, and she unclips her seatbelt when Andrew turns off the car.

Before she can lose the last of her nerve, her voice drops low, the slow smile never leaving her face. "Hey, I know if you're anything like Aaron you won't believe me, but Neil is really lucky to have you."

Andrew pauses, and it’s the only way she knows he heard her. Now he’ll always remember it, always will know it in some way, shape, or form.

Just like she's lucky to have Aaron, and this time, she won't accept an argument. She doesn't wait for him to reply, doesn't even wait to see his expression before she's hopping out of the car on one foot.

Aaron reaches the pavement, wrenching open Andrew's door. "What the actual fuck Andrew?!"

And of course, Andrew is completely unbothered, closing the door so quick Aaron barely manages to get his hands out of the way in time. "She rolled her ankle."

Katelyn has never heard someone make an explanation sound like 'fuck off' before, but Andrew is extremely talented about it. From how Neil smirks, he thinks it's the best thing ever.

But Aaron does 'fuck off' in a way, his eyes flying to where Katelyn smiles sheepishly, leaning against the hood of the Maserati. "I wasn't paying attention, Andrew helped me though!"

"Wha--he--he did," Aaron says, missing the natural inflection even though it's clearly a question he can't fathom.

Oh, it seems Aaron's old biases aren't completely gone either.

He looks between Katelyn and Andrew more than once, trying to find the lie. Maybe Andrew is the reason behind her ankle, or he threatened Katelyn into spinning some weird tale for his sake. Andrew just stares at Neil, not acknowledging his twin's franticness.

They'll have to work on this, Katelyn thinks, but one problem at a time.

Aaron seems to reach the same conclusion, because he snaps out of it and hauls ass over to her. She gratefully gives him all her weight, leaning on him. She's definitely going to be sitting out for a few practices. "Babe, are you okay?"

Aaron's eyes scream 'be honest' and 'are you sure?' and Katelyn can only giggle. "Yes, I'm alright. I tripped while dancing. Andrew was there for me," she feels the need to reiterate that point, and only feels a little bad for her white lie.

She'll tell Aaron about Roland later.

"Oh," Aaron says, dumbly, scanning Katelyn's eyes for evidence of tears or tension. There's none.

In all honesty, Katelyn can't say this was the worst night of her life. She's grateful for it, for the small crumb of understanding she gained. It's not much, but when Aaron and Andrew share a look of understanding, she knows it’s another important addition to the messy pile of progress they've made.

Aaron nods, gratitude radiating off him, and Andrew gives him a shrug in return. It's still more than Aaron is used to getting sometimes, and the ghost of the smile cements the night in Katelyn's mind. She'll always remember this, she thinks.

Aaron and Neil exchange an awkward glance, enough for Andrew and Katelyn to instantly recognize.

There's a story there too, one she'll definitely ask about later. For now, she wants to sleep.

She’s no night owl, but she’s not like everyone.

Neil takes a step towards Andrew, and she wonders what it's like to be a tidal wave like that. Neil's intensity is there in every movement, even when his stare gives nothing away, fixed on Andrew. His body language screams yearning, assurance, and a plethora of other things which Katelyn can't think about.

It's too intimate, and she and Aaron turn away at the same time to hobble up the steps.

She glances back only once, just in time to catch Andrew take his own step forward.

Her mind echoes her own words, the definition of real love.

She knows she has it; Aaron is gentle with her the rest of the night, helping her change into her pajamas, making her food, never leaving her side. Yes, she thinks. _This is it._

And when she hears the Maserati roar to life, whisking Andrew and Neil away into the darkness, she hopes Andrew knows he has it too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I'm really happy people are enjoying this series, it warms my heart and I can't thank you all enough <3 
> 
> I had original plans to write the neil and aaron counterpart to this but idk now since I have a lot of other aftg ideas. Let me know if it's something you'd be into?


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